The hardest thing about writing is finding the time of the day to write. I mean come on! What I'm doing right now is not difficult! My biggest problem is I get my day all out of whack, then lose track of time and end up not writing. I feel like I have much to say (Despite the fact that this blog is all about writing a blog, I may go into more). I enjoy learning about various topics from politics to religion to just random facts. I admit I get too passionate at times and may sometimes sound like a crazy person! I apologize this is one reason I am wanting to get my experience with the public so I can control myself on a daily basis. I wanna create my mentality to a humble, yet actively wise individual that people enjoy hearing from. I do not want to become part of the problem, where people just go back and forth on some pendulum swing argument. Stupid Liberals, Stupid Conservatives!! Come on now, both sides are equally stupid as well as intelligent. I may tend to agree with one side over the other, but I do not find stupidity to be in the minds of my opposers.
Let me explain myself in a little more detail. I grew up as an emotionally spoiled momma's boy that was a teachers pet! Up until my parents divorce at 11 years of age. A much needed slap in the face came that day when I found out the utopia I was in was merely the love my parents had for me; trying their hardest to keep me from the worlds insanity. That wasn't going to last forever and I question the logic of it!
At the time I guess I responded like any spoiled kid that would respond to such a situation: I acted out! I was a little of a trouble maker during these next few years! I did a lot of drugs (mainly smoked pot), partying, and stealing. I didn't listen to people, well at least I pretended I was not. Looking back on those selfish days, I really think how stupid I was. Yet them days are what brought fourth the basis of what is about to come that gave me my life and my enlightenment.
I decided one day after a talk with my dad and stepmother to change my settings. Moving from Texas to Indiana at the age of 15. I still loved being high though. Now I guess I have always had the mix of being socially odd with being socially keen. Doesn't make much sense, does it! LOL! Well its the immediate that I have always been good at but the long term seems to have trouble on. At a young age I have developed interests that the majority of kids my age where simply not interested in. I even had times where I just felt the need to publicize my interest on such things, like politics and religion. I wanted to end the suffering that I saw right after life slapped me in my face. My family was not wealthy and a few were jail birds. They still worked honest jobs.
I started focusing on Psychology with a mind set that Psychology is discovered by man, not created. So God must have set it to his/her liking. By age 18 I had parts of brain and functions memorized. I started to just ponder the relevance of this. Naturally for me, I saw optimism in all functions which I'll probably blog about one day! Every bit of the brain seemed to beautifully organized and serving some higher purpose. The percentage of people with the mind to bend the envelope compared to the percentage of people that fight change even seems to serve a purpose that ultimately is better for society. Imagine the world with all one way or the other if all pushed to bend then we would simply have over 6 billion ideas to discuss and if leaned the other way we would never progress. Now look at how it is, though the struggle is hard sooner or later change takes shape and the mindset to keep the habit maintains this new era.
Now towards the end of high school I ended up on the bad edge with my step mother and dad. I guess we just disagreed or something but I was out on my own now. Fortunately I found a BMW for very cheap a year earlier and that gave me much protection from nature. I was still in high school and really it would have been very easy to just drop out which crossed my mind several times. Thankfully, I had cousins that years before told me to promise them to graduate high school and I told them I will and I personally hate going against my word. To me, my word is a representation of who I am, so if I break that then I am not worth shit. So I graduated high school, and found out colleges aren't very accepting of the homeless and I frequently pondered how I was going to get into college.
I spent years just doing what it takes to live, I even traveled the country hitch-hiking around trying to just stumble on my opportunity. I won't get into many details at this moment about everything but I will say one thing understanding the difficulties a homeless person has to bear on a daily basis can not be understood by someone who has never lived it. The longer you are out there the more difficulties you will encounter so a month long homeless person can not understand someone that has spent a year or more. We will be a lot better off if we can just comprehend that single factor. (No I don't support just holding people's hands and giving them everything either so don't jump to conclusions)
Now I'm going to admit something that is going to probably add a bit of un-trusting nature to my existence to most people's perceptions. I hustled up money in whatever ways I could. This included several illegal activities during this time. I'm not going to just flat out say it at this moment, until I can be sure of my legal safety. These activities are really what gave me a chance in joining the conventional world. Believe it or not, just realize that you probably are pre-assuming factors.
During my years I have seen much unnecessary violence and hatred. I have engaged in much activities that will shame my consciousness, yet each and every event has given me a moment to open my eyes and seek enlightenment. I ended up in a stuck position however, I had principle actions to maintain for the guarantee of my income vs. the principles I have learned through seeking wisdom here on earth. For years I conflicted myself and still do to this day.
I did however manage to get myself into college, while still struggling for an income, but I managed it. Till one day I was in an accident that left me 33% burnt in 3rd degree burns. I spent 1 month in a hospital burn unit and had 3 surgeries. This single event gave me a better chance at life. I am now still attending college and live back with my father with no step mother (who ended up having some things to work out). Now my only struggles are what struggles a family struggles with. Me and my dad don't always see eye to eye and I can sit here and bad mouth him with probable causes but I find this to be something that will not get me anywhere. I can only decide how I respond to situations and what choices I make.
No comments:
Post a Comment